Now THAT was a great one, Mark! Hope things are good with all the plans for Christmas, etc. for your family! KEITH
Chimney and Fat S&#.gif
This morning it was so damned cold here, that I saw a Democrat with his hands in his own pockets!
LOL, you try free diving for lobster with a big homemade sling shot 30 or 40 feet down, Mark, my friend. Yet folks could put on double tanks and go down and clean out a whole reef by hand. Remember, sharks and cudas are swimming all around and follow you up to the boat and back down, LOL. When in the Keys in about 14 feet of water, we were always most legal and caught them with lightly gloved hands!
In the 10 years I did that........only time we ever had a problem, and it was thrown out for lack of evidence. Sure was a unique type of fun, though. After just being there about 3 weeks or so........I sent home for Money from Mom and Dad telling them if I had to eat another lobster or fresh snapper, grouper, etc. I would DIE..........I just wanted some hamburger and chicken. I could hear my Mom's angry roar from Atlanta.....and I was in Miami Beach! Dad and Mom LOVED seafood almost as much as I do.......Hah, was pretty funny now that I think back. Just wanted some hamburger or pot roast.
Every Christmas though, I would go home to Atlanta first and Tampa later, and bring about 100 FL lobster tails, some fresh conch, some shrimp, scallops, clams, and fish...........what a party I threw every Christmas when I visited home.........everyone was invited. It was very rare that anyone missed those parties, LOL! KEITH
LOL Mark, reminds me of when me and the boys were free diving for lobster off N. Miami Beach in about 30 feet of water, (free diving now.....no tanks, just hold your breath and come up and breathe out of your snorkle). We were using Hawaiian slings for lobster......not exactly legal, LOL. Had about 40. Two Marine patrol boats swooped around our little twelve foot aluminum john boat. We were below and heard and saw the boats. So, Billy came to each of us, grabbed all the lobster we had, put them into his shortie wetsuit, (no Mark...you won't get me on this...he had a tank suit under the shortie, LOL, HAH), and stuffed it under a coral head........then, up we went. MP guys were all for taking us and the boat to jail. Billy said it was his boat.....could only take him. Well, they did, and let us take the boat to shore. Later, we went back for the lobster, and Billy was released on his own recognizance, (fireman and Med Tech). He went to court.......no evidence.......LOL....LOVED IT! KEITH Check out the first user review on THree Bad Men!
LOL Mark, reminds me of when me and the boys were free diving for lobster off N. Miami Beach in about 30 feet of water, (free diving now.....no tanks, just hold your breath and come up and breathe out of your snorkle). We were using Hawaiian slings for lobster......not exactly legal, LOL. Had about 40. Two Marine patrol boats swooped around our little twelve foot aluminum john boat. We were below and heard and saw the boats. So, Billy came to each of us, grabbed all the lobster we had, put them into his shortie wetsuit, (no Mark...you won't get me on this...he had a tank suit under the shortie, LOL, HAH), and stuffed it under a coral head........then, up we went. MP guys were all for taking us and the boat to jail. Billy said it was his boat.....could only take him. Well, they did, and let us take the boat to shore. Later, we went back for the lobster, and Billy was released on his own recognizance, (fireman and Med Tech). He went to court.......no evidence.......LOL....LOVED IT! KEITH Check out the first user review on THree Bad Men!
Display MoreA redneck with a bucket full of live fish, was approached recently by a game warden in Texas as he started to drive his boat away from a lake. The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?" "Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish!?!?"
"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."
"What a line of baloney....you're under arrest."
The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment man. I'll show ya!
We do this all the time!!"
"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"
The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"
"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.
The warden asked, "When are you going to call em back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH," replied the warden!
"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as some government employees.
LOL, YEARS since I heard that one, Mark. I usually can't remember jokes very well, but I used to tell that one a lot and got some great laughs out of it. It is almost exactly like it was when it circled the net long time ago. Thanks for reminding me of it! I can just SEE that burglar's face when the parrot says the last line! Thanks, KEITH
Display MoreA burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
Comedies aren't usually my thing Mark; and I am not too big on jokes unless they are really good. But, I got a kick out of this one.....laughed right out loud here all by myself. So, you got the old stone faced lady to put forth a guffaw! Good one, Mark. Even think I can remember it. My friends will all be astonished when the jokes are flying, and I come out with one, LOL! Thanks, KEITH
Display MoreAn old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hangs up.
The old man turns to his wife and says "Okay, they’re coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares."
VERY FUNNY BILL. You drink your urine and enjoy whatever it is they are playing! You deserve it, LOL! YK
Still there here....saw it from the first....strange.
KEITH
I see it also Jim, and it is adorable! KEITH
Funny Jim, I never saw it coming! Well, of to the courthouse to meet with a lawyer. Have to be there before he starts court. KP
Funny! Reminds me of when I was working with one of those small red staplers. Somehow, I put a staple right through one of my fingers. As I was working with the staple remover attached, I did it again. NO WAY was I going to ask anyone to help me....I was too embarrassed. Finally got them both out with a good pair of pliers. Needless to say, I am extremely careful around staplers of any kind now. You should see me with my compressed air one in the shop, LOL! KPKEITH Tools are made for SMART people.
Good one Dukefan1!
