Ill never forgive or forget what the north nam-ese did to our guys. I cant begin to imagine the hell he went through. Naming his boat after that sounds to me like he is more than willing to talk about it. I hope he does as stories like that NEED telling.
One of my best friends lost his brother in a plane crash in Vietnam. (A coincidence) Steve has grieved for his brother so for so long now that it's been more years than he was alive. I can understand that kind of hurt. I had a sister. She died from cancer when I was 7. I've grieved for her all my life. At some point you either let go and forgive or you carry that burden or anger and resentment and it poisons the rest of your life. You see, the kind of cancer that killed my sister, Joyce, is now treatable. See how annoying that is?
Steve is also a pilot. He carried that anger for decades. The last time I saw him, he let it go. It's taken him a long time and he will never forget or stop loving his brother as he'll never stop missing him. I'll never stop missing Joyce. She'll always be with me as a part of my heart. This is something that only recently happened. It takes us a while sometimes.
Of course, we all make out own decisions about these things. Carrying anger and resentments hurts us rather than the other party. Here's something I read recently that helped me about being unwilling to forgive and let go: 'Unwillingness to forgive is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.'
I'd been angry with my mother-in-law, righteously so, for nearly 20 years. Still, I was the one with migraine headaches, high blood pressure, backaches and insomnia. I wanted to forgive her for my sake but somehow all that I had done wasn't quite enough to allow me to let go of my anger and rage toward her. Once I read these words, I was able to release all that anger, rage, resentment and yes, hatred, that I had held on to, and finally forgive her for all the harm and ill that she had done to me. It was an incredible feeling of freedom.
Now, in the event anyone may think it was a minor case of daughter-in-law/mother-in-law issues, allow me to disabuse you of that notion. I spoke to this woman on the telephone only once a year, at Christmas, and that night I would have screaming nightmares that would wake everyone in the 4,000 square foot split level house. Yes, my monster-in-law gave me PTSD. I am not exaggerating, it was that bad. I am not making this up. I went to great lengths to avoid her, taking separate vacations from my husband, even, who vacationed with his mother every year. (If anyone must know, send me a PM, it's a long story.)
But this is my experience. I'm not telling anyone how they should live. This is what I did. I used to be addicted to rage attacks, too. My life is ever so much better now, not to mention the people around me are happier without the Extreme Bitch Queen 
living with them. 
(I mean me, of course!)
So forgive me this brief segue into How I Learned to Forgive My Monster In Law. Please don't take it as me telling anyone to change your own lives. There's no advice in anything ^ there. This is what I did: I can speak with my MIL on the phone now and I even send her emails.
Interestingly enough, she's apologised to me twice now. Since I'm a Christian and Jesus told us that if we want to be forgiven we have to forgive others, I've forgiven her for her trespasses against me. It was a huge load off my own back for which I am grateful.
There's a process for this. If you're interested in either one, let me know via PM. I don't miss the screaming nightmares.
There are more humans than there are rats on the planet now. Did you know that? We now outnumber vermin at 7 billion people. We're already living in a mass extinction. It may already be too late to turn it around unless we do something about it in the next 10 years. I have a son. Perhaps you have children. They are our hostages to the future. They will pay the price for our mistakes and the price will be high. 
