A Friendly Subject

Funny, a number of females have said that to me !!!!

I could definitely go for that "bear" thing!!

Mrs. C

Just checking my email, and I got this one - cute!

A little boy goes to his father and asks

"Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers:

"Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

YOU'VE GOT MALE!!!

Very funny Chester

Mike

I echo Mikes post and well said!

Thank you for your thoughts.

Chester

Another blonde joke -

Dear Diary,

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double pane energy-efficient kind.

Then, this week I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Now, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking Sales guy had told me last year . . . . Namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo! It's been a year!

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.

He didn't call back. Bet he felt dumb!

Good one Jim and thanks!

Your welcome, Keith.

Here's another one -

A young man shopping in a supermarket
noticed a little old lady following him around.

If he stopped, she stopped.
Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout,
turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease;
it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay."

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out
'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store,
it would make me feel good."

She then went through the checkout,
and as she was on her way out of the store,
the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

The little old lady waved and smiled
back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine
into someone's day, he went to pay for his
groceries.

"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

"How come so much ...
I only bought 5 items.."

The clerk replied,
"Yeah, but your Mother said
you'd be paying for hers, too."

Chester

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me.

You know how much I love you and care for you, my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife,
XOXOXO

P.S. Your girlfriend called.

Nice one Jim,
Hope it doesn't happen to me.

Thought I'd share this piece with you!

Remember!!!

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE
1930's, 1940's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!

First, we survived being born to mothers
who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a tin,
and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered
with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles,
doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes,
we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking .

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a van - loose - was always great fun.

We drank water from the garden hosepipe and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends,
from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cakes, white bread and real butter and drank
pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day,
as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps
and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.
After running into the bushes a few times,
we learned to solve the problem .

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes,
no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable,
no video tape movies, no surround sound,
no mobile phones, no text messaging,
no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth
and there were no lawsuits/legal from these accidents .

We played with worms(well most boys did)
and mud pies made from dirt,
and the worms did not live in us forever.

Made up games with sticks and tennis balls
and although we were told it would happen,
we did not poke out any eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house
and knocked on the door or rang the bell,
or just yelled for them!

Local teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team.
Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.
Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers,
problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned

HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others
who have had the luck to grow up as kids,
before the lawyers and the government
regulated our lives for our own good.

and while you are at it, forward it to your kids
so they will know how brave their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house
with scissors, doesn't it?!

PS -The BIG type is because your eyes are short at your age

I appreciate the Big type, and the memories Thanks.

Chester

This is pretty funny!
[extendedmedia]

A clever ad, Jim!

Quote from ethanedwards

A clever ad, Jim!

Exactly our thoughts!

Chester

Jim and Sue - you folks are a treasure posting these funny pieces (and some have a point or two to make besides). They give me something to smile about everytime I read them !
Cheers - Jay

She was Soooooooo Blonde..
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."

She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.

She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:

She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...

She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

Baby Sis,

That has got to be the best compilation of most of the blonde jokes I've ever heard! I am ROTFLOL!!

Mrs. C

Please post bail....

Subject: Women over 40

(mistakenly attributed to Andy Rooney - see link below - but still pretty darn funny)

Ladies,

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it...

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.

A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her....

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not always reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize for all of us.

Andy Rooney

And here's the link that debunks the myth that Andy Rooney wrote it -

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/rooney2.asp

Mrs. C