Just when you think Life is Serious

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    Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation.


    They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."


    The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."


    The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, "Look! He's moving!"


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    A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment: shave, shampoo, manicure and haircut, he placed the boy in the chair. Then he said, "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade. I'll be back in a few minutes."
    When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."
    "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut'."
    --------------------------------------------------------
    After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up."
    "That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you decide to be a minister?"
    "Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and listen."
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    Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
    "How old are you?"
    "I'm 4 and half."
    You're never 36 and a half, but you're 4 and a half going on 5! That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number.
    "How old are you?"
    "I'm gonna be 16."
    You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16. And then the greatest day of your life happens: you become 21. Even the words sounds like a ceremony--you BECOME 21. YES!!!!
    But then you turn 30. Ooohhh, what happened here?? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED. We had to throw him out. There's no fun now. What's wrong?? What changed???

    Quote from DukePilgrim

    then you turn 30. Ooohhh, what happened here?? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED. We had to throw him out. There's no fun now. What's wrong?? What changed???



    Wait'll you turn 69, like I have. And Mr. Brooks is even older.

    I don't know who the person was who came up with the phrase "Golden Years" to describe our time of life but they've obviously never been there.

    The wife and I used to ridicule my dearly-departed Mom for her complaints about various aches and pains during her later years. We were sure she was the world's worst hypochrondriac. We've both been apologizing since she passed on - turns out she was telling the truth. :stunned:

    De gustibus non est disputandum

    Quote from Stumpy

    Wait'll you turn 69, like I have. And Mr. Brooks is even older.

    I don't know who the person was who came up with the phrase "Golden Years" to describe our time of life but they've obviously never been there.

    The wife and I used to ridicule my dearly-departed Mom for her complaints about various aches and pains during her later years. We were sure she was the world's worst hypochrondriac. We've both been apologizing since she passed on - turns out she was telling the truth. :stunned:



    I heard velvet from the antlers of Elk make's joint pain nearly disappear for some people. Might want to check it out Stumpy. The crush it up and make it into a pill.

    Life is hard, its even harder when your stupid!!
    -John Wayne

    Whoops Did you ever copy & paste & then delete!!

    Lets pretend it was too horrific to see on a family site after 30.

    Bill Gates picks his own punishment


    Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.


    Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."


    "Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.


    As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"


    "That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.


    "The bottle has a hole in it!"


    "What about the PC?"


    "It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.


    "And it's missing three keys,"


    "Which three?"


    "Control, Alt and Delete."

    Quote from SXViper

    I heard velvet from the antlers of Elk make's joint pain nearly disappear for some people. Might want to check it out Stumpy. The crush it up and make it into a pill.



    Durned if that don't sound like the Chinese aphrodisiac made from rhino horn or whatever it is, Todd.

    De gustibus non est disputandum

    Quote from Stumpy

    Wait'll you turn 69, like I have. And Mr. Brooks is even older.

    I don't know who the person was who came up with the phrase "Golden Years" to describe our time of life but they've obviously never been there.

    The wife and I used to ridicule my dearly-departed Mom for her complaints about various aches and pains during her later years. We were sure she was the world's worst hypochrondriac. We've both been apologizing since she passed on - turns out she was telling the truth. :stunned:


    I realized some time back that the adage, "Youth is wasted on the young," is so, so true. I wish that my years of experience and all could be taken back to my younger days. That would be such a benefit!
    Cheers - Jay

    Cheers - Jay:beer:
    "Not hardly!!!"

    Quote from Stumpy

    Durned if that don't sound like the Chinese aphrodisiac made from rhino horn or whatever it is, Todd.



    I think its the same thing. There is a lady that I do some service work for here in the IBM Rochester plant that has elk and sells the pills. She swears by them and has people that with swear by them as well. I have never taken them nor do i have intentions of right now. Just another thing to maybe consider if pain gets to bad and you want to try something else.

    Life is hard, its even harder when your stupid!!
    -John Wayne

    Quote from Jay J. Foraker

    I realized some time back that the adage, "Youth is wasted on the young," is so, so true. I wish that my years of experience and all could be taken back to my younger days. That would be such a benefit!
    Cheers - Jay



    You got that right. When I was a kid of 14 or 15 I had some pretty attractive older women making passes at me. I know that now but didn't then because I was green as grass. :twitchsmile:

    De gustibus non est disputandum

    Quote from Stumpy

    The wife and I used to ridicule my dearly-departed Mom for her complaints about various aches and pains during her later years. We were sure she was the world's worst hypochrondriac. We've both been apologizing since she passed on - turns out she was telling the truth.


    See? Mom does know! I wish my kids would learn that now instead of later.


    Mrs. C :angel1:

    Quote from Stumpy

    You got that right. When I was a kid of 14 or 15 I had some pretty attractive older women making passes at me. I know that now but didn't then because I was green as grass. :twitchsmile:


    Heck! I was green as grass until my early twenties.
    Cheers - Jay:beer:

    Cheers - Jay:beer:
    "Not hardly!!!"

    Quote from Jay J. Foraker

    Heck! I was green as grass until my early twenties.
    Cheers - Jay:beer:



    Me too, Jay. Unlike today's kids, I was in the military (and 19 years old) before my first experience with a gal. And you should have heard the excuses I gave her as to why I didn't know what to do. But I sure have caught up since then. :hyper:

    De gustibus non est disputandum