A Friendly Subject

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  • good one chester, and ee watch out to much of that and you will end up like fred no diggaling :))):

    cheers smokey

    " its not all black and white, but different shades of grey"

  • [INDENT] Dear GOD,

    So far this year you have taken away my favorite dancer and entertainer Michael Jackson,

    my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, and my favorite actress Farrah Fawcett.

    Just so you know, my favorite politician is Barack Obama.

    Thank you

  • Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in the Bozeman , Montana airport, while waiting for their respective flights...

    One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East .
    Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

    The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.

    Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, 'At one time here... my people were many... but sadly, now we are few.'

    The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward,
    'Once my people were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?'

    The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl . . .

    'I reckon that's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet,
    But I do believe it's a-comin'.

    Life is hard, its even harder when your stupid!!
    -John Wayne

  • Works For Me..............:))):

    Senior Health Care Solution

    So you're a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you, what do you do?

    Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You're allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered.

    And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.


    De gustibus non est disputandum

  • Long Distance Charges

    George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what it's for. The devil tells them it's for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he's finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

    Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she's finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth writes him a check. Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he's finished the devil informs him that there will be no charge for the call and feel free to call the USA anytime.

    When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush gets to call the USA free. The devil replied, "Since Obama became president of the USA , the country has gone to hell, so naturally it's a local call."

    De gustibus non est disputandum

  • 4 Worms Church Sermon

    For those of you who missed church on Sunday, here is a recap!

    Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!!!

    A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

    Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

    The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

    The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

    The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup..

    The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

    At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

    The first worm in alcohol
    - Dead

    The second worm in cigarette smoke

    Third worm in chocolate syrup
    - Dead

    Fourth worm in good clean soil
    - Alive.

    So the Minister asked the congregation -

    What did you learn from this demonstration???

    Maxine, sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

    'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

  • "The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split." - W. C. Fields

    :))): don't know if mrs c would go for that one chester
    cheers smokey

    I think I have other attributes that more than make up for my inability to split very much wood.

    Mrs. C :angel1:

    Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-paned energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

    Helloooo, . . . . . . just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

    So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Hellooooo? It's been a year!

    There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.