A Friendly Subject

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    A man and a woman arrive at their new home after the wedding and he carries her over the thresh hold. As he sets her down, he hands her a pair of his pants and says, "Here, try these on."
    Curiously, she slips them on. Without a belt, they fall to her knees. She pulls them up several times but they always fall back down.
    "I can't wear these," she replied.
    "That's right!", he said. "And don't you ever forget that! I wear the pants in this family. I'm the boss. What I say goes. I go out when I want. I expect a hot meal when I get home from work. I want all my clothes ironed after washing and a clean house at all times. Understand?"
    "Sure babe," she replied "But first I want you to try on a pair of my pants."
    Taking them from her, he gets them up to his knees but they won't go over his thighs. He pulls and struggles but to no avail. "There's no way I can get into these!"
    She smiles and says, "That's right! And you never will again if that attitude doesn't change real quick!" :angry:


    Mark

    "I couldn't go to sleep at night if the director didn't call 'cut'. "

    The Old Preacher

    An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer,
    both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered
    up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and
    motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their
    hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one
    said anything. Both the IRS agent and the attorney were touched and flattered
    that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment.
    They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that
    he particularly liked either one of them.

    Finally, the lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"

    The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly,
    "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too."

    lol those are funny. (Sorry if this is offensive to anyone, I thought it was funny)


    The Australian, South African and New Zealander


    One day there was an Australian, a South African and a New Zealander sitting at a bar. Once the New Zealander finishes his drink he throws his glass in the air and shoots it. He then says "In Niw Zulund, we have enough glass so we don't have to drink out of the some one twice". Then the South African does the same and says, "Well mate, in Seth Africa we have so much sand to make our glasses so we don't need to drink out of the same one twice. The Aussie then throws his glass in the air and shoots the South African and the New Zealander, and says to the barman, "In Australia we have so many South Africans and New Zealanders that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice".

    The youngest member of the JWMB! And proud Cowgirl!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Got the following email today, its not a joke but I quite enjoyed it.


    We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those.


    You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."


    You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.


    You might be a redneck if: You still say " Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."


    You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.


    You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.


    You might be a redneck if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.


    You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an American flag.


    You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.


    You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.


    You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.


    If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough Red Neck in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about in this email.
    God Bless the USA!


    May the LORD bless you & yours..............


    :agent:

    Regards
    Robbie

    hi bek


    i dont know about the others here but i had a good laugh made my night good on ya little mate


    hooroo smokey


    ps


    robbie i for my self may be a rednack for my own country but not for other countries


    god bless australia we're our own people


    hooroo smokey

    " its not all black and white, but different shades of grey"

    Quote

    Originally posted by Bek+Jan 4 2006, 01:46 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Bek @ Jan 4 2006, 01:46 AM)</div>


    I'm with smokey - it was funny! I've heard the same joke with different ethnicities - it's funny to me no matter how I hear it. :D


    <!--QuoteBegin-smokey@Jan 31 2006, 06:02 AM
    god bless australia

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    Amen to that smokey, and may He bless the UK and Norway and . . . (you get the idea - we gotta watch out for all our friends :lol:)


    Mrs. C :angel1:

    Quote

    Originally posted by CHANCE@Feb 4 2006, 04:00 AM
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Someone sent me this today...

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    I was just going to post this here. Its not that funny, actually I bet that is exactely what happened when he found out!!! God help us with these wacko Hollywierdo's that are putting movies out these days.

    Life is hard, its even harder when your stupid!!
    -John Wayne

    I guess I'm a redneck in Australia to, god bless our great southern land, and I agree that's probably what the duke would have done when he heard about Brokeback Mountain

    The youngest member of the JWMB! And proud Cowgirl!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO A COP


    1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)


    2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.


    3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?


    4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!


    5. Are You Andy or Barney?


    6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.


    7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?


    8. I pay your salary!


    9. Gee, Office r! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!


    10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.


    11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.


    12. When the Officer says "Gee, your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

    thanks all you brighten up a very busy week thanks for the laughs


    enjoyed them all mush have a weird sense of humour thought the one in heaven was quite a giggle


    hooroo smokey

    " its not all black and white, but different shades of grey"