A Friendly Subject

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  • I laughed my sox off at these except and call me a doddery old gost if you must BUT... I did not get the supersex one?

    Is it an American thing?

    Be who you are & say what you feel Because those who mind dont matter & those who matter dont mind

  • You gotta love this one even if you've never lived in the South. Some of you will enjoy this more than others... Southerners can be so polite!

    Overheard at Hartsfield International..

    "Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 522 -- You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R

    Saudi Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R - Allah be Praised."

    Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 711 --You are cleared to land westbound on runway 9R."

    Iran Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R. - Allah is Great."

    Pause...

    Saudi Air: " ATLANTA ATC - ATLANTA ATC"

    Atlanta ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 522."

    Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFTS FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS. WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE. INSTRUCTIONS, PLEASE."

    Atlanta ATC: "Well bless your hearts. And praise Jesus. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah "hey" for us"

    I Love it....:))):

    De gustibus non est disputandum

    Edited once, last by Stumpy ().

  • Hi

    At the risk of upsetting everybody in the world I offer the following:-

    Terrorist Threat Levels:

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from 'Miffed' to 'Peeved'. Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to 'irritated' or even 'A bit cross'. The English have not been 'A bit cross' since the blitz in1940 when tea levels all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-catagorised from 'Tiresome' to 'A bloody nuisance' a warning level last used during the great fire of 1666.

    The Scots raised their level threat from'Annoyed' to 'Lets get the B******s'. They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it had raised its terror level from 'Run' to 'Hide'. The only two higer levels in France are 'Collaborate' and 'Surrender'. The risk was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capacity.

    It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from 'Shout loudly and excitedly' to 'Elaborate military posturing'. Two more levels remain 'Ineffective Combat Operations' and 'Change sides'.

    The Germans also increased their alert state from 'Disdainful Arrogance' to 'Dress in uniform and sing marching songs'. They also have to higer levels. 'Invade a country' and 'Lose'.

    Belgians on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

    The Spanish are all excited their new submarines are ready to deploy. These beautiful designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive stikes, on all their allies, just in case.

    And in the colonies

    New Zealand has also raised its security level from 'baaa' to 'BAAAA! Due to continuing defence cuts (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Ministers bath). New Zealand only has one more level of escalation which is 'Oh No, I hope Australia will come and rescue us In the evet of invasion, new Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a stategis defensive position called 'Bondi@

    Australia meanwhile has raised its security level from 'No worries' to 'She'll be alright mate'. Three more escalation levels remain. 'Crikey' 'I think we need to cancel the barbi this weekend' and 'The barbi is cancelled'. so far no situation has warrented the use of the final escalation level.

    Regards and A Happy Christmas

    Arthur

    Walk Tall - Talk Low

    Edited once, last by arthurarnell ().

  • Arthur this is a scream!

    Thank the Lord some of us retain the ability to laugh at ourselves.

    Avery merry Christmas and a Happy new year to you all

    Be who you are & say what you feel Because those who mind dont matter & those who matter dont mind

  • Five US surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

    The first, a Nevada surgeon, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

    A Colorado surgeon responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

    The third, a Montana surgeon, says, "No, I really think librarians are the best because everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

    A New York surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

    But the fifth, a Washington D.C. surgeon, shuts them all up when he observes: "You're all wrong; Democrats are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable."

    Right on, D.C. surgeon.

    De gustibus non est disputandum

  • With all the actions taking place on Christmas day, President Obama should take this incident very seriously.

    A good way for him to let us know how serious he is about the terrorist and making our country secure, he should appoint an underwear czar.


    That way the President can be briefed.

    Cheers :cool:



    Quote

    "When you come slam bang up against trouble, it never looks half as bad if you face up to it"

    - John Wayne quote

  • This should make you smile:
    image011.jpg

    SERENITY


    Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
    'How old was your husband?'
    '98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me.'
    'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
    She responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it?


    Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:

    'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
    She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'


    The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.


    I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes, I'm half blind,
    can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that
    make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
    I have bouts with dementia ..
    have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet any more. Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
    I still have my driver's license.


    I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
    so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
    I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
    I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour but by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.


    My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.


    Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.


    It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.


    These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,
    ' For fast relief.'

    THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
    The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
    The eyesight to tell the difference.

  • Have you noticed how Obama is still not taking this terrorist incident serious. When President Bush was in office, and a passenger attempted to blow up a plane from France, the President ordered all the passengers take off their shoes for inspection.

    Obama has not order an underwear search yet! What's his problem?

    Cheers :cool:



    Quote

    "When you come slam bang up against trouble, it never looks half as bad if you face up to it"

    - John Wayne quote