A Friendly Subject

Thanks Baby Sister for that. Been a while since I have been here. This thread always makes me lol!!!

TWENTY DOLLARS
>
> On their wedding night, the young bride
> approached her new
> husband and asked for $20.00 for their first
> lovemaking encounter. In
> his highly aroused state, her husband readily
> agreed.
>
>
>
>
> This scenario was repeated each time they made
> love, for more
> than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a
> cute way for her to
> afford new clothes and other incidentals that
> she needed.
>
> Arriving home around noon one day, she was
> surprised to find
> her husband in a very drunken state.
> During the next few minutes, he explained that
> his employer
> was going through a process of corporate
> downsizing, and he had
> been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of
> 59, he'd be able to find
> another position that paid anywhere near what
> he'd been earning, and
> therefore, they
> were financially ruined.
>
>
> Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
> showed more than thirty
> years of steady deposits and interest totaling
> nearly $1 million. Then she
> showed him certificates of deposits issued
> by the bank which were worth over $2 million,
> and informed him that they
> were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
>
>
>
> She explained that
>
> for the more than
> three decades she had "charged" him for sex,
> these holdings had multiplied
> and these were the
> results of her savings and investments.
>
> Faced with evidence of cash and investments
> worth over $3
> million, her husband was so astounded he could
> barely speak, but
> finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If
> I'd had any idea what you
> were doing, I would have given yo u all my
> business!"
>
>
>
> That's when she shot him.
>
> You know, sometimes, men just don't know when
>
> to keep their mouths shut.

Flydo

Quote from Stumpy

Flydo

I LIKE IT!!

Quote from Stumpy

Flydo

Hey . . . is that Chilibill's dog??

Instead of Predator... can you call that Poochinator?

Have y'all ever seen this?

One of our cats can pass gas that has that same effect. I think he's part skunk.

I think one would be proud, to be able to do that.

I hope you enjoy this!

cat in the hat.jpg

Well, this looked much bigger in the email in which I received it, but after I posted it, it looked awfully small . . . so I will share the text below, in a larger text, so all us old folks can read it . . .

I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
Oh, my god, what can I do?
My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell
My mood is bad - can you tell?
My body's drooping
Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years have come at last
The Golden Years
Can kiss my *ss!

now that's funny!!

OH, MY!!! That fits me to a "T."
Cheers - Jay

An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of ravishing young women skinny-dipping
in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: Old men can still think fast.

Bill Clinton started jogging near his new home in Chappaqua but on each run he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day. With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow.

"Fifty dollars!" she would cry out from the curb.

"No, five dollars!" fired back Clinton.

This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days.

He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!"

And he'd yell back,"Five dollars!"

One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog!

As the jogging couple neared the street corner, Bill realized the "pro" would bark her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He realized he should have a darn good explanation for the junior Senator. As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, Bill became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there was the hooker! Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled... "See what you get for five bucks!?"

I laughed so hard after reading these posts!!!!

You guys are a hoot.....hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Creation
On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:
"Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

chester thats a good one will have to remember that one later and tell the old farts.

cheers smokey

Folks - I have to tell you - my wife got out of the hospital the other day after a 12 day stay (for various problems) and I read a few of these funnies to her - she laughed so hard , at first I thought I made a mistake in exposing her to them, but she said she had a few great laughs that she needed to lift her spirits.
Thanks, folks -
Cheers - Jay

Hi

Being British

Being British is about driving a German Car to an Irish Pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian Curry or a Turkish Kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all? A suspicion of all things foreign.

Only in Britain can a Pizza get to your house quicker than an ambulance

Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET Coke.

Regards

Arthur