A Friendly Subject

hi baby sis

goodonya thats telling them

oh we do so want all you boys to ourselves :lol: :lol: :lol:

what is black and white and red all over

a newspaper

Here's a humorous little piece to enjoy during your holiday weekend!

Enjoy!

Chester and the Mrs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh

His dizzy aunt --------------------------------- Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes --------------------- Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store -- Stop n Gogh

The grandfather from Yugoslavia ---------------- U Gogh

The brother who bleached his clothes white ----- Hue Gogh

The cousin from Illinois ----------------------- Chica Gogh

His magician uncle ----------------------------- Where-diddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin ----------------------------- A-mee Gogh

The Mexican cousin's American half-brother ----- Gring Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach ------------- Wells-far Gogh

The constipated uncle -------------------------- Cant Gogh

The ballroom-dancing aunt ---------------------- Tang Gogh

The bird lover uncle --------------------------- Flamin Gogh

His nephew psychoanalyst ----------------------- E Gogh

The fruit-loving cousin ------------------------ Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking ----------- Way to Gogh

The little bouncy nephew ----------------------- Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco ----------------------- Go Gogh

And his niece who travels the country in a van - Winnie Bay Gogh

Well, there ya Gogh

I bet it was the Mrs. who was behind this one? Seems like her type of humor. I like it.

Popol Vuh,

Aw, you got me pegged!

Mrs. C

Now that was a good one Mrs. C!!!

You got me partying down the isles.

Cheers B)

mrs c you have a wicked sense of humour have come back time and time again to have a good laugh with this one where do you find these gems

cheers smokey

Hi

If a certain breed of dog is known as a German Shepherd, whats a German Shepherd known as?

Arthur

Here is a joke/email that was sent to me from a old Navy buddy that lives in Winslow, Arizona. Thought you all might like it and I am sure Bill can attest to most if not all of the quotes. :lol:

You must be from Arizona if....

You've signed so many petitions to recall governors you can't
remember the name of the incumbent.

You notice your car overheating before you drive it.

You do not associate bridges or rivers with water.

You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.

You hear the weather forecast for 115 degrees without flinching.

You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour...and it will be over
100 degrees.

You discover in July it only takes two fingers to drive your car.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You run your house air conditioning in the middle of winter so you can
use your fireplace.

The best parking spot is determined by shade.....not distance.

You know that "Valley Fever" isn't a disco dance.

In the summer, hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot
one.

It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation and yet all the streets
are totally empty of both cars and people.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

Sunscreen is sold year round, kept right at the checkout counter.

You put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mail box.

Some fools will market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools
will actually buy them. Worse.....some fools actually try to jog.

You know hot air balloons can't rise because the air temperature is
hotter than the air inside the balloon.

No one would dream of putting vinyl inside a car.

You see two trees fighting over a dog.

You can say "Hohokam" and people don't think you're laughing funny.

You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt
River.

You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves.

You can pronounce "Saguaro", "Tempe", "San Xavier", "Canyon de
Chelly", "Mogollon Rim", and "Cholla."

You can understand the reason for a town named "Why."

You visit San Diego at least once during the summer.

You can fry an egg on the hood of a car IN THE MORNING!

You hear people say "but it's a DRY heat!

You buy salsa by the gallon.

Your Christmas decorations include sand and l00 paper bags.

You think a red traffic light is merely a suggestion.

All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but
clear out come by the end of April.

You think wearing oven mitts while driving is clever.

Most of the restaurants in town have the first name "El" or "Los."

You think 60 tons of crushed red rock makes a beautiful yard.

Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.

Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.

Most homes have more firearms than people.

Kids will ask, "What's a mosquito?"

People who have black cars or black upholstery in their car are
automatically assumed to be from out of-state or nuts.

You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you're
wearing shorts.

You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.

SXViper,

I think Chilibill will be responding to this one, as it is quite apropos and quite humorous :lol: !

Here's another one, from a state a little northwest of Arizona.

Enjoy!

Chester

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life in Vegas

There are more churches in Las Vegas than casinos. During Sunday services at the offertory, some worshippers contribute casino chips as opposed to cash.

Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to win. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, and they are worth money, the Catholic churches are required to send all the chips into the diocese for sorting.

Once sorted into the respective casino chips, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash.

And he is known as . . .

Are you ready?

You're going to love this . . .

The Chip Monk

Viper and Chester;

Your friend that lives in Winslow has it just about right, about Southern Arizona for about 3 or 4 Months in the Summer.

When I was a Kid in the 1930s growing up in Phoenix one of the things us kids loved to do was to Steal Eggs from Grandmothers old wooden Ice Box, thats what we called it in those day, because you had to have the Ice Man come every day or two and put Big blocks of Ice in the old Ice Box.

We would Cook the eggs on the Black Top Road out in front of of the house, it took about 5 Mins. to cook them, and then put the cooked eggs in a Big 12 Inch Flour Tortillas and roll it up into a Big Egg Burro! Then put some "El-Pato Salsa de Chili Fesco" into the Burro and that was Lunch! Then Back into the Front Yard and Spray each other down with water from Hose, and that would take five mins. for the water in the hose to cool down. I have seen the temp. over 120 F. in the middle of Aug.

Then we would go down into the Basement where Grand mother was with the Big 18 Inch Fan doing Her Work. This was also were Grandfather was Aging His Home Brew Beer. Every few Hours one of the bottles would Blow its Cork but Grandmother that "Tough Old Texan" would just keep working on Her Sowing and Knitting just like nothing had happened. She did not want Grandfather's home made Beer in the Basement any how!!! We never did tell Grandfather, that "Tough Old Law Man" that sometimes we Kids Would Shake one or two bottles just to see what would happen!!! :lol:

I just hope that every one keeps thinking that all of Arizona is like that is Down South of where I live in Northern Arizona where the Verde River and Oak Creek run year round and the Temp. is about 20 Deg. Lower than Phoenix, Tucson and Yuma.

But I am Afraid that is coming to an End , the People from California have found us here in the Verde Valley and are moving in like a Herd of Stampeding Buffalo! Oh- well that just makes my Little 5 Ac. Place sell for a lot more M-O-N-E-Y as Duke would say, when I move over to the Ranch in Northeastern Arizona next year. I will be just a few miles from Duke's old Ranch that He loved so much, and that Duke said was the Prettiest Place on Earth!

Chester; I have a Man about my age from Nevada in my "Old Mans Sunday School Class" at Church and he backs up your story about "The Chip Monk" he said that was one of his jobs when he was still a Catholic in Las Vegas before he became a "Hard Nosed Bible Thumping Baptist" like me, and had to go to all the Casinos to cash in the Chips, and they were just like M-O-N-E-Y in Las Vegas!!!

Chilibill

Quote

Originally posted by William T Brooks@Jul 10 2005, 07:34 AM
. . . the People from California have found us here in the Verde Valley and are moving in like a Herd of Stampeding Buffalo!

[snapback]18840[/snapback]

Mo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oo!

Chester

Chester;

You and the other Cowboy and Cowgirls are welcome any time but don't forget to bring your Shootin Irons and your John Wayne Membership Card, and we do not talk much about Ted Kennedy and his Bunch around this part of the country!!!

Chilibill

Hey bill,

You might ought to talk about these people. You might solve some of our problems in this country. They seem to be the subject of some of the issues here. No offense, but these men are the ones who want to bring our boys home now, and let the chips fall where they will. Of course they want to blame President Bush for anything no matter what they decide. -_-

Cheers B)

Well here are some more that I just got from that same buddy in Winslow, AZ. Some are a repeat, some are new.

Subject: ARIZONA BLESSING

ARIZONA BLESSING:

Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry,
Please keep it cool in mid-July.

Bless the walls where termites dine,
While ants and roaches march in time.

Bless our yard where spiders pass,
Fire ant castles in the grass.

Bless the garage, a home to please,
Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.

Bless the love bugs, two by two,
The gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.

Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,
In Arizona, Lord, you've put them all!!

But this is home, and here we'll stay,
So thank you Lord, for insect spray.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HOLD IT.............there's more....................

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN ARIZONA IN JULY WHEN. . . .

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron!

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 5:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and
end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out,
wash it and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from
laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

Ahhhhhh, what a place to call home.

God Bless Our State of ARIZONA !!

These are "Church Bloopers" There is NO way I can read some of these without laughing out loud!!

Martha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Martha Belch all the way from Africa.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water". The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus".

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. :lol: (that one's my favorite.)

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 pm. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s)
you want remembered.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 pm.-prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

------------------
This one's called "Getting a wee bit deaf".

Man went to his doctor saying that he thought his wife was deaf but did not want to upset her by asking direct, what could he do?

The doctor said, "Go into the room and, if his wife had her back to him, just say something in a normal voice and move forward saying the same thing until she hears".

The man went home and, finding his wife at the kitchen sink with her back to him said, "What's for dinner dear?".

No reply, so he moved forward and repeated, "What's for dinner dear?". Still no reply.

Moves still nearer and again says "What's for dinner dear?". Still no acknowledgement.

He then positions himself just a foot behind her and again says "What's for dinner dear?".

She answers, "For the fourth time, shepherds pie!".

How things change in only 30 years:

1975: Long hair

2005: Longing for hair

1975: The perfect high

2005: The perfect high yield mutual fund

1975: KEG

2005: EKG

1975: Acid rock

2005: Acid reflux

1975: Moving to California because it's cool

2005: Moving to California because it's warm

1975: Growing pot

2005: Growing pot belly

1975: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

2005: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1975: Seeds and stems

2005: Roughage

1975: Killer weed

2005: Weed killer

1975: Hoping for a BMW

2005: Hoping for a BM

1975: The Grateful Dead

2005: Dr. Kevorkian

1975: Going to a new, hip joint

2005: Receiving a new hip joint

1975: Rolling Stones

2005: Kidney Stones

1975: Being called into the principal's office

2005: Calling the principal's office

1975: Screw the system

2005: Upgrade the system

1975: Disco

2005: Costco

1975: Parents begging you to get your hair cut

2005: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1975: Passing the driver's test

2005: Passing the vision test

1975: Whatever

2005: Depends

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things :

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1987. They are too young to remember the first space shuttle blowing up.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

They have always had an answering machine.

They have always had cable.

They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane Boss, de plane".

They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.

McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Ah, pure contentment......

All that talk in General Discussions about the Lone Ranger reminded me of a joke -

Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage?

To de dump, to de dump, to de dump, dump, dump

(sing to the tune of the William Tell Overture :lol: ).

I know, it's corny . . .

Mrs. C